Why our children need us to love ourselves…

(as published on HuffPost UK today)

The power of love transforms your children and shapes their experiences now and in the future.

Little people are “meaning-making machines” (thanks Vishen Lakhiani for this awesome and perfect term).

The first seven years plays an important role in our life…

“The most influential perceptual programming of the subconscious mind occurs from birth through age six. By observing the behavioral patterns of people in their immediate environment—primarily parents, siblings, and relatives—children learn to distinguish acceptable and unacceptable social behaviors. It’s important to realize that perceptions acquired before the age of six become the fundamental subconscious programs that shape the character of an individual’s life.” Bruce H. Lipton Ph.D.

Children create meaning out of everything which impacts how they see the world and how they see themselves. For example, when they experience the feeling of rejection this hurts and they create a meaning from that experience, which could be “I’m not loved” or “I’m not loveable” or “I’m not enough”.

As parents we cannot take all responsibility all the time for the meaning our children create from everything they experience, but we can support them to feel loved and to create more feelings of love in their life.

Vishen Lakhiani in “The Code of the Extraordinary mind” speaks about helping our kids to create more positive frames of reference and shutting down the negative meaning making as quickly as possible. His suggestion is to have a daily practice of encouraging our children share “what they loved about themselves today”.

As a coach and parent I have a deep understanding about our words and language and how this shapes the meaning children (and adults) create from their experiences. Our words are powerful!

In our house we have already started “What I loved about myself today” as part of our evening gratitude when we sit at the table for dinner. Although our daughter is under 12 months we know how important it is to create positive habits, and the best time to start them in now. We also know children are always learning, and modelling positive behaviours is critical.

The reason we have started this daily practice now is because we don’t want to wait until something is “broken” or “damaged” before we repair or fix it. I do not understand why as a society we always need to wait until something is damaged or broken before we make changes?

… We have to be sick or overweight before eating healthy…
… Our relationships have to be falling apart before we take action to re-connect…

We don’t operate that way in our home. We choose to create powerful and positive habits for our family now. This also ensures we are growing towards what we want more of in our lives – more health, more happiness, more vitality, more joy, more abundance…

We also know how important it is to have a healthy love for ourselves.

Creating good habits for ourselves now will impact how we parent and how our children learn. When they see us loving ourselves and acknowledging that love in a safe environment, they too will grow to understand that it is ok to love and be kind to themselves.

I believe what the world needs more of is children who feel loved and valued. Imagine a world where these children grow to become the leaders of the future and are equipped with love, compassion, gratitude, kindness, empathy and joy and are equipped to handle what the world throws at them.

Plus… when we love ourselves we don’t need to seek it from others, and our relationships become healthier and happier.

And, as a parent, don’t we all want our children to have a healthy and loving relationship with themselves and with others?

Of course we do…

Therefore, to help our children to have a healthy self-love, first we must begin by modelling and showing a healthy love for ourselves.


Heart tree

Review – Unleash The Power Within Sydney 2016

Recently I had the awesome experience of attending Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within Event in Sydney.

Rather than write a long blog, I have shared my experience in the below video.

I have been wanting to share more often via video, but have been avoiding it… I’ve not practiced it or mastered it… So this is my first step in mastering the process – raw, unedited, no fancy lighting or video toys – just me sitting in front of the camera sharing an authentic account of my experience at Unleash The Power Within – Tony Robbins.


Fathers Day

Written on September 4 2016 and shared on our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/DaliceandMark/

So today is my first official “Fathers Day”, but every day is an awesome day to be a Dad.

Below are some words I wrote recently for mine and Dalice’s website copy. It sums up the experience for me in becoming a Dad.

“My life’s most magical experience occurred in March 2016 when Dalice and I were gifted the most amazing natural birth of our divine daughter Ilhabela. The shift in my heart was like nothing I’ve ever experienced…

… Being present and actively involved in the birth is a choice I’ll always be grateful for and will be able to recall for all time to come.

… We often hear how amazing it is from others when their children are born… When your own turn up, the feeling and overwhelming sense of unconditional love consumes you like a big warm hug.

… Becoming “Daddy” and the guardian of such a beautiful little soul is a role that I’m most grateful to be able to play.”

I also loved this post I recently saw from Vishen Lakhiani from Mind Valley Academy – couldn’t have said it better myself:

“The most curious thing about being a man. Every guy I know who is about to become a father first develops some degree of anxiety: how will this new chapter affect his mission, his money, his freedom, his fun. Then the kid is born. And the guy comes to see that his mission, his money, his freedom, his fun, were never the main point anyway. It all comes second to the child. But the guy doesn’t care — because despite the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and lack of quiet time — he is happier than he can ever remember”. – Vishen Lakiani.

Happy Fathers Day to all Dads out there including my awesome Dad. Take some time for yourself and also some time to be present with your awesome gifts in your children.


DaliceMark Family

What are you doing to celebrate success? (especially when it’s messy, crazy, exhausting…)

I initially wrote this for the Mama’s but it’s really a reminder and trigger for us all to stop, reflect, acknowledge and celebrate.

This week my daughter will be 6 months, during that times…

I have answered the door to the census lady wearing shorts with ugg boots and my hair in a crazy mess…

I have walked to the supermarket wearing a jumper with baby spew on it…

I have cried because I just needed a few minutes out of the house on my own in my own space and energy…

I have learnt a whole different level of tired…

I have worried about whether I’m doing a good enough job at being a mum…

I have judged myself for taking days (actually sometimes weeks), to get back to people or tick off a job that needed doing…

I have felt like a bullet proof ninja warrior one day and tired and vulnerable (on the cusp of crying over nothing/anything/everything) the next…

I have only been on time about 5% of the time over the past 6 months…

Yes… This is life…
It’s a bit crazy sometimes
It’s beautiful always
Even the messy and hard bits…

I share this crazyness because it’s real life and I want other mothers and women to know…

I get it
It’s ok
You are enough and perfect and beautiful just as you are
You are doing amazing. Even if you think you are not. You are.
I know you are because you are getting up each and every day and having another shot.
You are amazing. Love yourself for that.

Facebook and social media is a beautiful world to connect and share, but we all know photos capture the surface. We need to really look and talk and connect to see the depth and complexity of life.

I have looked into the eyes of other parents with small children and felt a beautiful connection, compassion, kindness and deep understanding…

So I ask you now Mum (and also Dad)…

What are you doing to celebrate your successes?

We cheer and get excited about so many achievements and milestones of our children…

… Their first smile, their first roll, their first steps, their first words. Their first A,B,C………X,Y,ZZZZZZZ.

What about your amazing achievements?

Whether that be
in your parenting
in your relationships with family &/or friends
in your career or business
in your personal development
in your sport or art or hobby or your contribution to humanity

How long has it been since you cheered and celebrated an achievement or milestone you have had

What would it look like to you to celebrate a success of your own?

I know that for me this is an area I really need to lean into….

…As a busy “get lots done” achiever I have never been good at celebrating my own successes.

But… I know this is an important key to my happiness and sense of fulfilment in my life.

So I ask you to do two things

1. Write a list of ten achievements or successes you have had in the past month.

2. Decide how you are going to celebrate that success and go do it.

You are beautiful
You are amazing
You are worthy and deserving

Dalice ❤️

Here are my ten…
(Please know and understand that I found writing this list really difficult…)

– I wrote this post and shared my vulnerable moments as a parent and woman
– I have been dedicated to my time bank (I’ll explain what a time bank is in another post)
– I have supported Mark in his development and growth by encouraging him to go away to work-shops and retreats to learn from great teachers
– I had cold showers for over a week to support my optimal health
– I went to my yoga class
– I cooked myself dinner 3 nights straight while Mark was away (this is huge for me because I’m not good at cooking, I don’t like cooking and Mark is an amazing cook and does all our dinners)
– I cleaned the house and got it ready for the photoshoot for our new website
– I reached out to a couple people who are doing some great work for others simply to congratulate and compliment them
– I committed to and completed my 30-days of “me time”
– I loved my daughter
– (#11 a bonus one… I got up each day and had a shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed, changed nappies, fed my darling girl and gave 100% of myself)

Now… I just need to decide how I’m going to celebrate ❤️


“How much do you want it?”

“How much do you want it?”

On the weekend I had an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and conditioning so I could achieve what I ultimately wanted…

It also got me thinking…

I wonder…

Is there something “uncomfortable” you are avoiding or putting off, that once done, you will feel exhilarated (or at least relieved) by?


Is there something you want in your life which you aren’t honouring because you don’t think you have what it takes to achieve it OR do you think you don’t deserve it?


Is your current “comfort zone” causing you to feel sick and tired?


Is there something you want more than your short term comfort?


Let me tell you a story…

On Friday I started feeling unwell…  I had a cold…

Then on Friday night I had a terrible sleep which meant that on Saturday I started to feel worse, and as the day progressed the more my head and body were struggling.

I take a lot of active steps to be healthy and vibrant so when I do feel unwell, all I want is to feel healthy!

Now… If you have been following Mark and I for a while you will know that Mark is an advocate for cold showers, ice baths and the power of the cold for improving health on all levels.

Among the many benefits, the cold can improve adrenal function and enhance immune function.

However, while Mark has been embracing the cold for a couple years, I have been actively avoiding the cold shower and ice bath scene since I retired from semi-elite sport more than 4 years ago.

I really do not enjoy being cold and intentially getting into cold water, especially in winter, just isn’t exciting!

But… On Saturday all I wanted was to get over my cold and to feel better…

… So I decided to have an ice bath…

… My desire for what I did want was greater than the short-term discomfort…

I am going to be honest… It took me three attempts to get into the water and actually stay in…

The two minutes I was in the water was uncomfortable and really unenjoyable but knowing the benefits I chose to breathe through the pain and discomfort.

And afterwards I felt exhilarated, somewhat better and generally just proud of myself for going beyond my comfort zone to achieve what I really wanted – health. (I have also backed it up with cold showers each day for the past couple days)


This experience got me thinking about how we often stay in our comfort zone, avoiding what we need simply to stay “safe” and “comfortable”.

But… ironically the seemingly “safe” option in the very short term is holding us back from our true potential and the life which is waiting for us. 

If I could share anything with you it would be…

Always know…

The discomfort in the short term is what will liberate you in the long term…

There is greatness inside of you…

You are not your circumstances…

You are more capable than you realise…

You are more skilled and talented than you recognise…

You are worthy of all you desire. 


As a transformational coach I am passionate about supporting my clients to move past the feelings of shame, fear, unworthiness to experience more love, more joy, more prosperity, more connection and more passion. I’m available at dalice@daliceandmark.com if you want to learn more.

pps. If you haven’t yet had a read, check out Mark’s 5 days with The Ice Man

Health, Happiness and Strength: 5 days with Wim Hof “The Iceman”

The Goal: Do a headstand

“The Goal: Do a headstand.”

I share this photo, not to impress you, but to press upon you what you can achieve when you have a goal.

I have been doing yoga for 18 months (including during my pregnancy) but with my “busy” life and various commitments (work, family, trips away, study etc etc) I have only ever gone to class once a week.

I certainly am no yogi!

Each week I would go…

… Sometimes I would notice a slight improvement…

But mostly… the poses were/are tough.

Seeing what some people could do, their strength and how they moved, was inspiring. And in truth… not something I thought I could achieve…

Even though my physical improvements seemed so minimal I continued to go to yoga because I noticed that I slept better and I felt better emotionally. It was good to have a weekly practice and discipline which focused just on looking after me.

Just recently when I set my intention for the class it was to simply ENJOY IT!

The Headstand: Since starting yoga I would see people in class doing the headstand but I just couldn’t do it… A large part I realise now was because I didn’t believe I could do it!
(the limitations we put on ourselves sometimes are crushing)

Then… three weeks ago Mark came home from a 5 day retreat with Wim Hof and he could do a hand stand!

This sparked in me a new sense of what I could achieve…

So… on Thursday while my girl slept and Mark was out I decided to give it a go…

And… SUCCESS, I did it.

Not pretty… but I did it…

So… I share this photo to hopefully inspire you to…
– Set a goal or intention (something just for you)
– Work towards it (an inch at a time if that works)
– Celebrate any milestones or achievements
– Have fun and enjoy it
– Encourage others to go after their goals.

Dream it
Believe it
Achieve it

I believe in you!


As a transformational coach I am passionate about supporting my clients to move past the feelings of shame, fear, unworthiness to experience more love, more joy, more prosperity, more connection and more passion. I’m available at dalice@daliceandmark.com if you want to learn more.

Dalice Headstand

Book Week Day 5: The Surrender Experiment

Book Week Day 5: The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer

I spoke about this book on day 14 of my #30DayChallenge and have included it in our Book Week reviews because it’s just such a great book!

What it’s about: (the official run down)

The Surrender Experiment is a New York Times bestseller

From the author of the New York Times #1 bestseller The Untethered Soul comes the astonishing true-life story about what happens when you just let go.

A thriving spiritual community on over six hundred acres of pristine forest and meadows in Florida, a cutting-edge software package that transformed the medical practice management industry, a billion-dollar public company whose achievements are archived in the Smithsonian Institution, a book that became a New York Times bestseller and an Oprah favorite, and a massive raid by the FBI that would lead to unfounded accusations by the U.S. government—how could all of this spring from a man who had decided to live alone in the middle of the woods, let go of himself, and embrace a life of solitude? But this man had made a radical decision—one that would unwittingly lead him to both the pinnacle of success and the brink of disaster.

Michael A. Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, tells the extraordinary story of what happened when, after a deep spiritual awakening, he decided to let go of his personal preferences and simply let life call the shots. As Singer takes you on this great experiment and journey into life’s perfection, the events that transpire will both challenge your deepest assumptions about life and inspire you to look at your own life in a radically different way.

What I learnt:
– Surrendering can be the most exciting and challenging AND basic and hard things you will ever choose to do!
– When we stop pushing, forcing, competing, striving, attaching ourselves to an outcome, controlling, resisting… and simply just… surrender… the Universe delivers some and amazing things.

This is a very easy book to read and has something for everyone (I think so anyway) if you choose to listen.


p.s. for an extended list of the books we recommend you can visit: https://liveyourdream.com.au/books/